I suppose I just expected something epic like a courier arriving at my desk in my open plan office and delivering an envelope, and as I carefully opened it the courier states in a monotone voice: 'You've been served. This is your divorce.' Then he strips off his shirt and boogies his way through the office to a Bill Withers soundtrack while balloons and streamers fall from the ceiling, a throne comes out from behind the stationary cupboard and I climb on while colleagues carry me through the open plan, past the printer and towards the exit. Woot woot.
But no, it took 14 minutes to fill in the online form, attach a PDF of a marriage certificate and hit 'submit'. I submit to divorce, mother fuckers.
So what happens now? Apart from the confirmation email, who knows. I wonder if I will get a Divorce Certificate, like a Marriage Certificate?
Congratulations Ali on your cancelled nuptials, please fill out this survey to tell us what you thought about marriage.
How long were you married for? 6 years.
Did you like being married? Yes.
What was your highlight? Having my son. Learning how to cook. Having someone to remember passwords. And holidays!
What was your lowlight? When my husband forgot to talk to me. And pretending to not know what day to take the bins out.
Would you recommend marriage to someone new to the concept? Absolutely! I'd do it again, but next time I would be better at it.
How would you rate marriage out of ten? 8. It has it's highs and lows, but it's up to the two of you to work out the balance. And it's ok to talk about when it's not working and when it is. It's also ok to separate. Happiness is important - for yourself and your kids.
Thanks for your response. Enter your details to win one of five 12 month subscriptions to Tinder - Premium Access.
Fuck that was fun to write.
Big love.
Ali
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