A Dating Test at Slice Girls West

It was my first Tinder date and I obviously had no idea what I was doing, but I wanted to look like I did.

I had a plan.

We were to meet at The Reverence in Footscray at 6pm. I was going to give the Tinder Date two hours and then I was going to meet my girlfriends at Back Alley Sally’s at 8pm as a ‘Get Out Of Jail Free’ card. If we liked each other, we would plan another date. If we didn’t, I had an escape route.

It seemed flawless.

Except upon arriving at The Reverence five minutes early, I discovered it was closed. The only other bar I could think of moving the date to was Back Alley Sally’s around the corner where I was meeting my pals. It was a risk, but I was under time pressure and I had to make a decision. Fast.

After changing my seating position three times: the booth (too open), the bar (too closed), the corner table with stools (too awkward in high waisted jeans), I chose an open large table that wasn’t too noisy. The bar was super warm and friendly in comparison to the rainy Melbourne night, and the beer selection was ripe for the picking.

My date arrived from the inner Northern suburb of Carlton admitting that the change in venue and the threatening dark laneway where Back Alley Sally’s sits in Footscray was a little scary.

The bar had already made me feel at ease so we discussed the venue, the attractive staff, the beers and pizzas available from Slice Girls West below.

Then it got serious. My date stopped the conversation bluntly, staring me intently in the eye, pausing to gather his thoughts. He was scripting something.

‘Ali. I’m so sorry. I really am. I just have to tell you something and I’m not sure how this is going to go.’

I felt sick. I was a crap date.

‘Your fly is so undone. It’s so open. I’m trying so hard to look you straight in the eye and hold conversation, but I can’t go on. I’m sorry.’

I looked down and my 30cm zipper on my high waisted jeans was wide open, like a vortex, alarmingly displaying my white knickers for all to see. Sitting on a stool did not help this situation.

I zipped up and told my Tinder Date that I wanted to go home. He laughed, explained that he was ready to move on and continue our time as long as I could forget that it had happened (I obviously haven’t). So we drank more beers and smashed out a few laughs. He was a funny guy.

Ten minutes before my girlfriends were set to arrive, I gave him a warning: ‘My girfriends are on their way, they will squeal with delight at catching us on a Tinder Date, they will quiz you, they will drink and swear and ask you intimate questions. You are welcome to stay and drink with us, or you can use this time as your get out of jail free card.’

He stayed. We drank. We laughed. My girlfriends quizzed. It was now a Tinder Date of Five. He left a while later and we exchanged numbers. I ran back inside the bar and debriefed with my girlfriends over more beer and pizzas from Slice Girls West.

The pizza toppings quickly diverted our discussion: The Forever Mushroom with its truffle-scent provided distraction from the filthy but entertaining conversation coming from our booth. The crust was perfect in my opinion, not too thin, prepared well and cared for and cut in perfect sharable sizes. The Wannabe Warwick pizza with its artichokes and capers matched our gossipy squeals as our table discussed boys like we were 16 again. But it wasn’t just the pizzas, the Tinder Date banter and booze that made for an excellent night; the staff at Back Alley Sally’s were so friendly, the venue was cosy and I felt like I was surrounded by friends even though the bar was full of strangers.

It was an excellent start to a new friendship. The Tinder Date got my number and we ventured out a week later on a second date. There quite possibly might be a third. Perhaps it was because of my cool choice of venue or maybe it was my ridiculous friends, either way if you’re looking for a sweet place to meet a kind stranger, Back Alley Sally’s might just be the spot you’ve been searching for.

Back Alley Sally’s and Slice Girls West can be found at 4 Yewers Street, Footscray. Visit www.backalleysallys.com.au for more information and to view the delicious menu.

Photos courtesy Back Alley Sally's.

Make a Night (Heron) of it

If there was a year to do it, it was this one.

I was turning 35 and I had to have a birthday party. Not ‘birthday drinks’, but a Birthday Party.

I discovered the quaint little bar, The Night Heron, with a mate a few months ago. A local had told me that it was brand new and he had stumbled upon it by accident and had been sipping amber liquid there a few nights a week since. It had a beer garden. My buddy and I had to try it. We did and they played Holst’s The Planets for me on request.

I loved this bar instantly.

 

The inner west seems to have had a spike in tiny bars of late. I’m a sucker for the classics: The Yarra Lounge, The Reverence, Seddon Wine Store; but I’m always up for trying somewhere new. Especially if it has the pre-requisites that I so love: beer garden, tinnies and a most excellent playlist that includes everything from Toto to Technotronic to Sinatra and a bit of Wilson Phillips for those special moments.

I returned to The Night Heron only a few weeks ago. I had it in my sparkly mind that this was the place to hold such an eventful birthday party. Upon returning I discovered a former work colleague of mine behind the bar. An artist by day and bar owner by night, I knew my party was going to be in good hands with Ross Taylor at the helm.

Before I even approached him with all my party-esque questions, Ross explained that there were some radical food options nearby that could deliver tucker to my hungry little guests as they guzzled frothies in the beer garden.

Burger Business sits right next door and offers a quality beef-n-bun option with sensational chippage in old school packaging. A sure stomach liner if you are planning a big night.

A couple of doors down is Addis Abeba, a very well recommended Ethiopian eatery who will also deliver to the bar, making these last of the summer nights an absolute pleasure.

When the Birthday Party arrived, I was equipped with knowledge. I had booked the beer garden and had made a dress fit for the occasion out of a Ken Done curtain. I was ready and so was this fine little bar.

The beats were pumping and my pals came rolling in – some of them even crossed town to the ‘westside’ to experience this little place I’d been raving about. They ate burgers, they drank Footscray lager, they stayed all the way to the 1am curfew and best of all, they cheered when a superb choc-mint 90s themed birthday cake came out topped with sparklers and candles and my favourite mixed cassette tape, just for me.

It was an excellent Birthday Party. One that I won’t forget. What made it sublime was the gorgeous Night Heron and it’s oh-so-Footscray appeal that provided me and my bestest of mates with the bestest of times.

My highlights? The Night Heron lager is rad as is the Castlemaine Celtic Red Ale on tap. The staff are fun and friendly, there’s a different dj mixing vinyl most weekends, the beer garden is easy and oh so very appealing on a warm night and it feels like you’re in your hood. Which you are. This should become your new local (if it isn’t already).

I’m going to go back. You should join me!

The Night Heron is located at 228 Nicholson Street, Footscray. Discover its cool activities at www.facebook.com/thenightheronbar

Pics courtesy of The Night Heron. This article first appeared in the April issue of The Westsider.

Life. Be In It.

I won a bike today. Seriously. A bloody gorgeous baby blue bike. And it made me so freaking happy, I squealed in the open plan office.

I never win anything. Actually I don't know anyone who wins anything. But boy, it feels good when you do win something and as the saying goes, 'You've got to be in it, to win it', and goddammit I was!

As I was putting The Kid to bed tonight, I was kicking back laying next to him thinking about my new bike and all the rides we were going to go on together.

Then I started thinking about entering all the competitions that I possibly could so I could win more stuff. Then I started getting greedy, thinking about all the excess stuff I could win to put in a 'winning room' and how I would be an expert in winning stuff and make regular comment on A Current Affair as 'Champion Prizewinner'.

But perhaps I could put this new Be In It To Win It practice into my own little life. I've had a few freak out moments this week. Moments of freakiness when people get too close, moments of fear when I have to rely on or trust someone, moments of terror when I realise it's 8pm at night and I don't know what to do once my kid goes to sleep and the washing's folded and my house is clean and my toenails are trimmed. Weird huh!

So rather than become a Champion Prizewinner (which I will do anyway but under a rad alias like Crystal Beff or similar) I'm on a mission to Be In It and try and find out who the fuck I am. I ate feta the other night out of a jar and I loved it. I haven't done that in years. Recently I ordered a jug of beer at a bar - again, it's been ages. I listened to the full Jewel of the Nile soundtrack on vinyl yesterday and it was magical. I ate peanut butter and honey sandwiches at the BMX track and it was like eating candy for the first time. I bought a skateboard. I watched Indecent Proposal and crushed all over again on Woody. I drank cordial and it made me 12 years younger. I wrote a letter to Ken Done thanking him for being a legend. I played elastics between two chairs. I made a height chart at work for my colleagues to enjoy. So many things. This is all the shit I love doing but stuff I haven't done in such a long time.

Why did I stop doing stuff I love? I suppose I became someone else and I became busy being that person. But now in this limbo of life, I just want to go back to that person I was ages ago.

So what are my favourite things that I used to do?
Eat Korean BBQ and cheap food with MSG.
Travel to places with beaches.
Cook pals meals with big intentions but limited cooking capacity.
Eat picnics.
Play with my buddies in bars, on lawn bowls, at gigs, in the city.
Sit in backyards for long amounts of time.
Pick fruit and eat it.
Trivia nights.
See mates I haven't seen in ages and talk about animal reproduction.
And ride bikes.

Are you a friend of mine who I haven't seen in ages? We need to catch up and I want to hear all about your life: your babies, your partner, your friends, your job, your bike rides. All the things. I want to reminisce about our times together, back when we were young.  Email me.

Life. It's so fucking good. But you've got to be in it... to win it, right?

Off Tap: Golden Future for Local Brewers

I stumbled across my very first bottle of Footscray Ale by West City Brewers while sitting on my Ken Done in Seddon Wine Store. Like a true beer connoisseur, the label dragged me in. But the sheer beauty of this brew was comparable to Annabel and Clarabel meeting for the first time: magnetic.

I decided then and there that I was a genius for discovering this amber liquid in a pretty bottle. So I told heaps of people about it, showing off how much of an expert I was. But instead of the expected ‘ooohs and ahhhs’, I received knowing nods and responses such as ‘how good is it?’, ‘so and so brought a sixer to Nath’s birthday and we all thought he was rad’etc etc etc.

So if you haven’t heard of or tried Footscray Ale, here’s some information so you can brush up on your craft brew knowledge before you rock up to Nath’s party next week.

West City Brewing is the baby of two brew boys with the coolest first names, Fergus McGregor and Bevan Dalziel. They tell me they’re gypsy brewers. I ask them if they brew their beer in a caravan while they dance and play tambourines. The answer is no.

Gypsy brewers simply use other existing breweries gear and tank space to make their own beer. Apparently heaps of labels start out this way, which is fair enough. I mean, looking back to my own home brewing days, the plastic tub and heat pad, plus bottles and tops took up a spare room. It’s not like many people have those massive rocket brew tanks sitting in their living room.

Bevan explains that all home brewers, and probably most beer nerd types have dreams of making their own commercial beer or having a brewery.

“We are not getting any younger, and the time is right with craft booming world wide – especially in Australia – so we took a bite of the bullet. While we are gypsy brewers at the moment, as the label becomes established, we are hoping to gain some funding and build our own brewery. Maybe we will end up helping out some new brewers and then the cycle continues!”

Both fellas are local westies. Bevan himself has been running the West Side Beer Drinkers group for a couple of years now. So of course it was only logical that they got cracking on a label of their own.

While my hard core beer drinking days are almost done, thanks to becoming a parent and therefore becoming responsible, this beer is something that I’m proud to have in my fridge. Think of this brew as that one tasty refreshment at the end of a hard day’s work or that shared six pack treat between you and your partner if your kid  decides to go to bed early and you have the time to hang in the yard amongst the Tonka trucks and talk about your renovation dreams. This beer is your responsible pal in a bottle format. You want to savour the flavour not smash and drown cash. Got it? Now buy it.

For these passionate brewers, the future looks golden, with flagship beer Footscray Ale ticking all the right boxes for Westie pallettes, Fergus and Bevan are looking to re-release an Oatmeal Stout called Oaty Session Stout in Autumn and Sunshine Ale in summer. And while they’re at it, a bar and brewery in Footscray could be on the menu in the not too distant future.

Feeling thirsty just reading this? Head to West City Brewing’s website for a current listing of stockists. If your local bottle-o doesn’t stock it, tell them to or even better, ask your local pub to hook up a keg.

West City Brewing

I found mine at Seddon Wine Store. Find your closest stockist at www.westcitybrewing.com.au

Photo by Paul Large.

This article first appeared in the April issue of The Westsider newspaper.

Festival of the West

Summer is the best, especially in the West. This year, I spent the majority of summer at home and I found our days were filled with all the west has to offer. We are so close to all the action. Day trips to Indented Head, Queenscliff and Barwon Heads; boat watching down at Williamstown; food trucks and ace picnics in Yarraville Gardens; bike rides along the beach or through new parks; and two awesome festivals: So Frenchy So Chic at Werribee Park and Portarlington Mussel Festival, both within a short drive from our suburb.

And it’s festival season in the inner west with Lunar New Year on our doorstep and my favourite local event, the Yarraville Festival, is happening this month.

Celebrating its 35^th year, Yarraville Festival on Sunday 7 February is certainly an event to make the journey to (highly recommend by bike, train or walking). The Village shuts off its streets to cars, making way for stall vendors selling everything from puppets to terrariums, paella to choc ripple donuts.

For the kids, Fels Park off Simpson Street is filled with storytime shows, petting zoos and performers all ready to put a smile on your kid’s face.

But I can’t get past the scents coming from the street. As a local, I can smell the aromas of the street stalls from my house from early morning, chargrilling their goodies, toasting up some kind of yummy seed to put into some kind of yummy bread.

Alongside the sweet smell of delicious food you can hear the super sound of bands warming up ready to play to the crowds. This year there are seven stages showcasing the best of the community including my favourite, the Yarraville Mouth Organ Band (you need to see these guys and Instagram the hell out of this gig) and Middle Aged Weirdo. There’s some fresh talent to discover as well including local school bands and rad up and comers on the Freeza stage (my pick is Shewolf – awesome new talent featuring 17 year old triplet sisters and their best buddy).

Over 18? Ace. Collect a beer from Dawsons Cellars and enjoy the main stage with your cold amber liquid. You might even see me busting out some moves in my Mom Jeans with my two-year-old.

Have a two year old? Get a front row seat at the hottest fashion parade in the west. The Dog Parade is a highlight every year with pooches dressed in their finest gear from diamante collars to Buzz Lightyear ensembles. It’s fun – with or without a two year old. Just make sure you share the love on social media to make sure your eastern suburbs buddies come over for the action next year.

The 2016 Yarraville Festival is set to be the biggest yet. Set yourself up for a day of awesomeness. Pack some sunscreen and water and text your pals. Find out more at www.yarravillefestival.com.au

Need to pump yourself up for Yarraville Festival? Here’s my top five songs for this summer.

1.       April Sun in  Cuba – Dragon

2.       Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now – Starship

3.       Daniel – Elton John

4.       Friday on my Mind – Easy Beats

5.       Lazing on a Sunny Afternoon – The Kinks

Would love to know yours. See you at the Festival!

xx

All of these fabulous photos are by the super talented Paul Large, fellow local Yarravillian.
This article first appeared in my column Spun Webb in the February issue of The Westsider.