How to Divorce by Ali Murray (Webb)

I'm no expert in the matter of divorce. I've only been married once. Is anyone an expert in divorce though? Liz Taylor perhaps? Or was she just an expert in getting married?

To get divorced you need to be separated from your partner for 12 months and 1 day. And that's a fucking long time if you were ready to get divorced the second you split up. This time, however, is a super interesting time to reflect upon times of toughness, embracing your new independent life, getting to know who you are, making decisions and remembering who you were before you were a wife.

With exactly two weeks to go until D-Day, I've discovered that I've never felt this happy for a really long time. How is this?

Time
What I do with my time now is up to me and me alone.

Solo parenting
It's beautiful. My son and I are a dynamic duo. He is so like me in so many ways, but I can also see excellent aspects of his dad in him as well. My son is my best mate and as my absolute rock, he pulled me out of the hardest places in the past year - always resulting in dance sessions in our lounge room (mainly to The XX which seems to be his go-to record).

Food
It's the way to my heart and I want to cook for you.

Decisions
I make my own. I don't need to consult (except with decisions relating to my son) with anyone. If I want to get a tattoo - rad (just don't tell my mum), if I want to go on a sporadic road trip adventure, fuck it, I just go and have an excellent time. 

And the Ex?
Let's not call him an ex-husband. That's a bit negative and I don't like to live in a negative world. I prefer 'First husband'. I'm totally open to a second. Being married was fun. We see each other every week, I greet him with 'hey first husband'! Sometimes we drink beer or coffee together and chat about our kid. Yep, it's sometimes awkward, but this is life and I'm a totally awkward person - so I guess this is only natural. I've moved on. Life moves on. Our kid is what brings us together and it's up to us to show him how excellent life is and that we can be adults and excellent people.

And the future?
My son and I move to Kyneton in December. We have secured a radical home with a big garden. My parents are delivering my family table from my childhood just in time for Christmas. I can't wait to share meals around this table while records spin with friends new and old... and maybe a special handsome man.

I've also grown a nice set of balls - big ones - and I'm starting my own business. House of Webb has been registered and I will be freelancing my behind off from the bush. See more here: houseofwebb.com.au if you are seeking a publicist, communicator or just an excellent human.

Time is an absolute corker! So much can happen in twelve months. The only small bit of advice I can give to anyone going through a divorce, break up, life changing year is: listen to music - everyday, surround yourself with inspiring people, cook good food with good ingredients, be kind to yourself and your home - fuck off the plastic and the chemicals, and finally, say hello and smile at people. You might get a smile back.

Be kind. Kind is awesome.

With love, Ali Murray (Webb).

F#@k It Days.

I woke up feeling a bit crummy today. I don’t know if it was a hangover from last night’s beers, the 20 hour return flight from Indonesia or post-tour blues. But I felt the need to pull my shit together, grow up, drink green juice, pat puppies, donate to charity, become an excellent human being.

I’m kid free until Wednesday. It’s weird being kid free when you’re a single parent. There’s not a great deal of stuff that you HAVE to do when you’re on your own, but there’s plenty of things that you can totally do because you are on your own.

Like brunch. And brunch I did.

Like cooking food that doesn’t include ‘hidden’ veggies. And cook I did.

Like go into a bookshop and make book choices based on recommendations and peruse in your own time, rather than purchase a tale on getting rid of night-time nappies (for my kid, not me) at 11pm using my phone with only one eye open. And bookshop I did.

Alone time is rad time. As a permanent over-thinker of life, it’s made me think about what happens next when life goes back to normality and I’m a 35 year old single mum divorcee again.

I was explaining this to the bespectacled man behind the bookshop counter and we workshopped some life tips. It was an inspirational thirty minutes. Actually life-changing. So life changing, I need to share my new curated life tips with you:

1.       Know your boundaries. Respect them and respect others.

2.       Brush your hair daily.

3.       Find the origin of your anxiety and embrace its roots. Chill.

4.       Don’t overthink tomorrow today.

5.       Go outside.

6.       Don’t put yourself down. You are rad.

7.       Say ‘thank  you’ instead of ‘sorry’.

8.       Be positive in your position.

9.       One thing at a time.

10.   Other people’s reactions are not your fault.

11.   Drink water until your wee runs clear. Clear wee equals a clear mind.

12.   Ask people questions about life. Learn along the way.

13.   Pack a lunch every day to look forward to.

14.   Get soaked in nature, not screens.

15.   You deserve good bed linen. Make the investment.

The Bookshop Boy sold me a copy of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving A Fuck. This is where I’m at right now. Wanna do this together? Let’s not give fucks together. 

Love Ali.