We’ve been thinking about toilet training. Our son isn’t
ready, I don’t think, but perhaps over summer he will be? We have bought a
potty and like everything plastic introduced into our house, this one has
caused a whole lot of excitement.
Alfie has been pouring cups of water into the potty and both
he and the dog drink out of it. The potty gets dragged across the floor and
shown to anyone who comes over for a visit. No one else is allowed to sit on
the potty. No one is allowed to touch it either. God forbid.
The potty has caused so much excitement that my son keeps
taking my hand and showing it to me in the bathroom. He has no idea what to do
with it, but he likes looking at it and showing me how to take the lid off it
and drink out of it. Sigh.
We’ve been using the words ‘poos and wees’ in our house for
a while now. Ever since we discovered that Alfie liked to poo behind the
curtain. When we see him heading in that direction we ask him if he is going to
do poos, usually his raised brow, red fierce face, hunched back and clenched
hands leaning on the wall say it all.
When my husband or I go to the toilet it’s a huge ceremony.
Alfie always wants to watch and wave bye-bye to the poo. It’s always so
exciting to press the flush button and to see how the toilet paper goes around
on the holder.
Some mornings after a poo ceremony, it’s really hard to move
on from this farewell display to go to the office and take on serious meetings
about serious stuff. Sometimes during serious discussions at work I might get a
call from my husband who will explain to me the ins and outs of a new poo dance
that Alfie has devised or a story about the fascination with the toilet. It can
be very hard to switch back to writing documents and speaking with managers.
Prior to the last few months, I had never been to the toilet
in front of my husband. It was the one thing I held onto. My one last piece of
dignity. Since the fascination with all things bathroom has kicked in, I’m now
showering while my dog, son and husband clean teeth, do wees, play with the
potty, fix the toilet roll holder, close and open and close the toilet lid,
pull the towel off the rail, look in the toilet, throw things in the bath, talk
about poos… the list goes on. I can’t even do that secret wee in the shower
that no one ever admits to.
So now that I go to the toilet with an audience, what
dignity remains? I have no idea about this toilet training thing apart from the
many discussions I have had with my husband about putting down the lid. I still
continue to lie to my husband that I have diarrhoea and I shut the door of the
bathroom and secretly play Tetris on my phone. My husband recently said that I
should go and see a doctor as I had been sick in the tummy for some time. I
think my private time is almost up.
I would love to know where you go from here. Once your kid
grows up, can you revive any sense of mystery about yourself? Will there ever
be a time where no one knows that you’ve done a poo?
Until that time arrives, I’m making the most of my toilet
time at work.
This post first appeared on Bubba West.
This post first appeared on Bubba West.
